Good news, everyone! According to a recent article in the New York Times, infections from COVID-19, including the most recent Omicron variant, seem to be on the way down. One of…
satire
I’m starting to regret naming my newborn son “Omicron”
Photo by Taisiia Shestopal on Unsplash I can’t help but feel that Life is just messing with me now. We’ve all gone through a lot over the past couple of years, sure. But lately…
Here’s why last Tuesday’s election means the opposite of what you think
I’m a political analyst. Some call me a pundit, or a political commentator. I send out hot take tweets on popular topics that defy conventional wisdom in a way that suggests…
Welcome to the New 1970s. We hope you’re happy.
“Now I have become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” From the Bee Gees Greatest Hits. Fans of terrible fashion, uncertain economic times, chaotic international events, and the promise of global extinction are…
Why we’re leaving Afghanistan the way we are, by President Joe Biden
An Op Ed, by President of the United States Joe Biden. Ever wonder how a credit card company can say that every purchase is “double miles?” I mean, this is sort of…
Why don’t drug cartels hire clowns anymore? Op Ed by Kinky Pinky
Hard working entertainer seeking employment. Extensive background in stabbing. Editor’s note: Kinky Pinky once worked as an enforcer for the KRAK drug cartel in the 1980s video game NARC. He is…
The Midlife Crisis Center is here for you
It comes in many forms, in many ways. Main Photo by Matthew Ronder-Seid on Unsplash. Customer service rep photo by Jay Goodman. Perhaps during your morning shower and shave you noticed that your hairline is…
The United States Probes Back: America tackles UFOs
Just over one year ago, on June 17, 2020, the Senate Select Committee on Intelligence and Watching Too Much Television ordered the US Intelligence Community (IC) to put together a report on…
I’m a foreign policy expert and everything you think is wrong
President Biden speaks to the troops at RAF Mildenhall. You probably didn’t know that. I’ve noticed that many of you out there are very wrong about things involving foreign policy. I…
“Have you looked at the sky lately?” (Part 1) The Bionic Man and America’s space program: Did a Soviet Union “death probe” provide the technology for NASA’s Mars rovers?
This is the latest installment of Damper Three’s award-wanting investigative series, The True Costs of the Six Million Dollar Man, which seeks to unearth the truth behind the development and use…